Our Current Society is a Lost Society

 Proposed Situation

20 year old biological female.

Female identifies as male, goes by alternate name.  (Not a legal name, so it's an alias)

This is accepted by society as normal.  She is treated even by government agents as a male, and the alias as his name.  (Let's call him Paul)

Paul gets pregnant.  Paul has a child.  Paul is unmarried, and the father chooses to fight for custody.  Paul does not want the baby's father to get custody and chooses to hide from him. Thanks to society accepting random gender changes and random names being acceptable....  Paul is only known as Paul and a male.

Paul takes the baby, and flees the state.  When Paul arrives in the new state, he immediately starts identifying as a female and a new alias is created.

As a society- we have wronged our children, and made it so much easier to kidnap children or otherwise vanish them.  Because anyone, at any time, can just become.... someone else, and we must all just accept them for who/what they simply claim to be.

Unexpected News...

May 22, 2018

I had emailed my doctor at Mayo Clinic asking for a letter showing that I am not to be alone for the first 30 days after surgery.  It was in my patient inbox today.

I sat there blankly staring and having one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had.  The last line of the letter states that I will need someone to be with me for the OTHER side having surgery approximately 3-4 months after.

Ok- first off I knew that I needed a PAO on both sides.  I really did.  But when I went in for my consult back in March, I understood that I would be just starting to feel like myself approximately 6 months after... and that full healing would be around the 1 year mark.  So I figured I would be having surgery sometime early next year.

Imagine my surprise reading that last line.  Reading that last line and knowing that a PAO is one of the most difficult orthopedic surgeries performed on the human body.  Reading that last line with no idea that they intended to do them so close together... Imagine..... my shock, terror, stress levels...

Yeah- I am scared.

Good news?  I burned through my deductible this year.  So... it's covered.

Oh boy....

Well, this has been a dead page for a bit as I let myself slide into the comfortable boredom that I know well as my life.

Things are getting... interesting. To say the least.

Back story:

6 years ago, I  had my 3rd and last baby. Afterwards I had some hip pain in my left hip.  I mentioned it to my doctor who told me that my ligaments were just stretched take some time to heal. So I tried to. 

6 months I went back, it still hurt.  Ignored again. 

2013, I take a trip by plane. During the security xray, I am pulled to the side and questioned. My left hip looks wrong.
It happens to be the one that hurts. I am released no further issues.

A year later... my mobility is starting to be limited... and with no testing of any sort, they send me to physical therapy. After only a few weeks I KNOW this isn't for me. It's not an athletic burn, it's excruciating pain after every appointment.

I give up. I decide that nobody will listen.

As the next couple years go by the distance I can walk with no pain gets shorter and shorter.  Soon it's only a couple of blocks before I limp. I struggle with my dogs, my kids. Going to the parade to watch my son march in his Boy Scouts uniform was so painful I cried sitting on the curb.  My husband's family upset at me for "wanting help or attention seeking".  I was in agony.

Last year I fell, I though I'd only injured my pride and earned a new bruise. Within a few weeks I could no longer sit or sleep without pain. This pain I knew so well was much worse than I'd ever known. I wound up at the walk in clinic.  For the first time, someone orders xray, a test to see what's really going on. She assumes a dislocation in my hip, but sends me to an Orthopedic anyways for a 2nd opinion.

He tells me I have sever hip dysplasia on both sides of my body. I need surgery on both, but first this side because my labrum is torn.  I'm floored. It's a birth defect. Normally not painful but this torn labrum had been the signal.  He tells me I'm too young for this hospital to do surgery (34 at the time).  A referral goes to Mayo.  Another 8 months go by. I'm on the waiting list. (Remember my plane ride 4 years before... THE TSA did better work than the doctors I'd asked for help from!)

In those next 8 months I have my physical, I'm informed that I have possible cancer. I go through testing, and find I have uterine fibroids, and an unidentified mass in my uterus.  What else can go wrong?  Biopsies preformed and no answer.  I'm given a choice. Ablation which won't help my awful periods by my doctor's opinion, birth control, or hysterectomy.  I select the hysterectomy over the next couple weeks, but opt to wait until after I can have surgery at Mayo as to not continue my hip pain by extending my time on the wait list.

The beginning of March I turned 35. I get my period. These have been bad my whole life. But something's different this time.  I bleed for 3 weeks, I'm severely anemic. I go to the ER seeking treatment in the form of a transfusion. I know that it's bad.  They tell me go home and take an iron pill. I'm depressed and discouraged.  2 days go by, my period won't stop. My doctor's office calls. I'm scheduled for an EMERGENCY hysterectomy the next morning. I scramble all day to find care for my kids.

The same day that I find out I'm going to do surgery, my surgery date at Mayo clinic is announced. Too close. I'm sadly forced to reschedule.

My hysterectomy goes ok. My bladder gets a small cut, So I use a Foley bag to pee in for 10 days. After surgery I wake up to the blood transfusion I had asked for at the ER a couple days before. I'm told I quit breathing after surgery but I'm alive so not really interested in the info. That might be the painkillers confusion too though.

Good news, my anemia is gone. Better news? The possible cancer was cancer and it's gone now.

PAO surgery scheduled for July 13th this year, I move forward.

But about a month ago while reading over links about my hip surgery my mother came across EDS. It can cause surgical issues and she's worried. I show signs.  Great, I panic. 

I spend a month reading. 

So here we are. CURRENT.

After about 100 hrs of reading... I'm positive I have it. Not a doubt and happy to feel my life-long health issues all are connected.  The road to diagnosis arduous. But I am working on it. I promise to share more info later. This is HUGE.

Last week an appointment with my orthopedic. My knee crunches and sublaxates easily, scaring him.  He also thinks EDS. I limp out with my first of what looks to be many more braces and a physical therapy appointment.

Today, I went back to the clinic, my brace felt off. Turns out wrong size and it was a brace for the left leg.  It is my RIGHT LEG that needed it!

New words I learned this month

Sublaxate: partially dislocate
Paresthesia: pins and needles tingly sensation
Chonromalacia: crunchy noise from joints
Patella: my knee cap
Peri-acetabular Osteoectomy: A scary surgery with a long recovery. (You Google it, lol)

Quiet.

     I have an organization addiction- probably has something to do with my OCD.  But there's a side issue with it.  There are so many forms of organization that I wish to follow.... and try to that I get overwhelmed and my Panic Disorder kicks in...
    So this year I started a bullet journal- I thought it would be awesome and for a lot of reasons it is... but then there is the side effect... if I make a mistake in my journal.... like a pen smear- a crooked line... than there is the OCD rearing it's head telling me to for the love of everything that is holy start a whole new journal... you messed this one up and there's NO CHANCE of recovering!
     I also have gone back to regular journaling each evening as a way to try to relieve stress.  That seems to be helping.  I really need to be working on my self care as well.  I spend so much time trying to take care of other people that I am personally suffering....  a lot.

I am nowhere as exciting as I look online...

I am nowhere as exciting as I look online...

None of us are, honestly.

I am at my wittiest online, my photos are carefully chosen to be the most flattering, the moments presented for public consumption are the highlight reel of the most exciting parts of my life. What people do not see is long hours in no makeup and greasy hair, rocking a pair of dog hair covered yoga pants.

Don't buy the hype. None of us are anywhere near as exciting as our online personas would lead you to believe. Looking at other people's profiles is a guaranteed recipe for feelings of inadequacy and despair. All around you the cool kids are doing the cool things while you just look longingly through your computer screen while wearing the same shirt for a second day in a row, a shirt that somehow picked up spaghetti sauce down the front of it like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Don't buy the hype. People are under the impression my life is one that is perfect, house made up, kids clean and having fun while magically behaving. The reality is that I have not showered in two days and I had to stop writing this essay to clean up a giant loogie my two year old just sneezed across (I am not exaggerating...) her entire face.

The older I get the more warm and appealing my house gets. I don't go out to the bars- I mean really?  Getting dressed up to spend time with people I either barely know or don't know at all?  Getting hit on by the creeper in the corner or the lesbian (no offense to those that are- but your gaydar is pointed in the wrong direction when it hits me...)  at another table on ladies night just isn't my cup of tea.  I go to ladies night because it's the cheapest night to drink- not because I am seeking any sort of company.  Heck- IF I go out to the bar- it's to talk to the people I am with.  Not to lose my hearing gradually in degrees through the most awful music ever created by man- and certainly not to show off my dis-regulated body movements or severe incoordination on the dance floor.  I get tired by 11 pm. I am asleep by midnight, if I have any choice in the matter.

My ability to deal with humans, never great at the best of times, has worn down to a thin sliver at this point. My bed, my dog and the internet are so much more appealing than any leaving the house event you could propose.

And you know what? I am ok with that. Leaving the house is overrated anyway. I get emails from friends- you know the kind.  You really should get out more... nah I don't really think so.  Although a brief trip to Tahiti in the winter months is appealing.  Or a weekend in a hotel.  No husband- no kids- just me.  So I get these emails come out and party with us... and  I just have to chuckle. Don't buy the hype. Nobody is as cool as their online persona would lead you to believe. You are comparing yourself and cataloging all the ways your own life falls short to something that is not even real.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to hunt down some febreze. The smell of child/dog related puke is lingering in the air and making my eyes water a little...

All Financial Hope is Lost, IF you don't pay attention to the details.

Part One

It happens every year at tax time.  On Facebook, on twitter, in the newspaper, you see and hear it everywhere you go.

"I NEED MY $ NOW."

"WHERE'S MY REFUND?"

"IT'S MY MONEY!"

And my personal favorite........

"I AM GETTING EVICTED/ELECTRIC/GAS/PHONE SHUTOFF! I NEED MY REFUND TO PAY MY BILLS!"

Ok seriously folks- can I ask you?  How in the heck do you pay your bills the OTHER ELEVEN MONTHS out of the year???  Why is EVERYONE SUDDENLY BROKE- at tax time???

I can't wrap my mind around it.

I have a family of 5 that lives on $2,400 a month.

Oh wait.....

That's GROSS PAY.

What do we ACTUALLY SEE month to month???

$1,644

FOR A FAMILY OF 5!

We paid off a car loan of $11,000 in just six months a few years back.
Last year we bought our own home.  4 Bedroom, 2 bath, and 1,800 square feet PLUS full basement.

Here's the trick.

NUMBER ONE:

Live on less than what you earn.
Your Bills should be no more than 60% of your income

Do your bills come to more?  Get rid of something.

Examples:
Our cellphone contracts were $200 a month.
Pay as you go is $100 a month (savings $100 monthly)

Cable TV and Internet was $178 a month
Internet and Netflix is $50  (savings $128 monthly)

Land Line to our Home? $74 a month
VOIP Magic Jack landline $100 for FIVE YEARS  (savings $4,340)

Look- I didn't even really get rid of anything- I just got by paying less!

If you can't possibly cut back your bills~  you need another job.  It's that simple.

You should be able to now put 30% of your income into savings.
In our case and you might think this is strange.. we did this in a unique manner.
My husband claims ZERO deductions on his forms at work- so the government takes the MAXIMUM.  We NEVER EVEN SEE 30% of his income until it's time for taxes!

This leaves you 10% of your income- THIS, this is your fun money.  If you make $600 each week, you have $60 to "play" on.  I wouldn't recommend it though.  You never know when you might need an emergency car repair, or extra gas $...

Your weekend trips to the bar??
Oh honey, it's cheaper to drink at home.  Do you really NEED to drink anyways??

What about socializing with your friends? 

How about inviting them over for popcorn and watching a Netflix movie on that brand new smart TV you were able to purchase this next tax time using my tips?

Yes- we do have a few nice things, a plasma television, a couple of Ipods, some nice camera equipment.  We allow one or two splurges out of the tax refund.  This year I got a new stainless steel dishwasher and a stainless steel over the range microwave- and I am giddy over that.

Learn how to balance your budget- and you will be a LOT happier for it.

For more tips- contact me.  I am happy to help.

Welcome to Adulthood Sweetheart.

Oh my word- I shouldn't be allowed to read the news.... stupid is abundant!
With that I bring you.... young "adult" stupidity....

Ok- so let's just give you the gist as the parents see it... then we will have some fun.
Daughter refuses to follow house rules.  You know, clean up after yourself be polite.
I imagine this conversation followed.

Parental Units:   "If you don't want to follow our rules~ you don't have to live here, but as long as you do live here, you follow them."

Daughter:  "I'm 18 and I can do what I want!  I'm leaving!"

Ok- so they didn't technically throw her out- she had an option right?  She moves out and moves in with her friend.

Now- let's take it from her side:

Parental Units:  "You don't like our rules???  GET OUT!  We don't WANT YOU HERE!"

Daughter:  "I am just going to go live at my friends!  You are SOOOO MEAN!"

According to the article- she says she was thrown out, they say she left of her own volition.  She left 2 days before she turned 18.

Does this matter?  Well not in a "normal" person's perspective.  She was nearly 18- so kick the birdie out of the nest.  Big deal....???  Yes.....  let me explain further.

Said Daughter has not taken parents to court to sue for.... get this....

CHILD SUPPORT!!!

Not only that but she wants her private school tuition paid, and college as well!

WHAT IN THE WORLD?????

I thought about this- I think I have a solution.

First- she wants child support of $654 a week.  She was only technically a "child" for two days.
So $654 a week / 7 days in a week * those 2 days  = $186.86

That covers child support.

Now we have the question of Private School Tuition.  The parents paid that through December, she left their home in October.  So they have paid that 2 months AFTER she turned 18.  Solution?  Sweetheart, either get a job or go to public school for the last half of your senior year.  Your other option is to go kiss your parent's butts hard and move back home!

College?  Get a loan like the rest of us.  Then get that job to pay for it.

Being emancipated isn't easy now is it???

Oh- and if you are wondering about who's paying the lawyer... well that particular idiot is her friend's father.... and he has her suing for court costs too.

Welcome to the real world.

Article found at:
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/03/05/new-jersey-teen-sues-parents-for-support-claiming-was-kicked-out-home/