None of us are, honestly.
I am at my wittiest online, my photos are carefully chosen to be the most flattering, the moments presented for public consumption are the highlight reel of the most exciting parts of my life. What people do not see is long hours in no makeup and greasy hair, rocking a pair of dog hair covered yoga pants.
Don't buy the hype. None of us are anywhere near as exciting as our online personas would lead you to believe. Looking at other people's profiles is a guaranteed recipe for feelings of inadequacy and despair. All around you the cool kids are doing the cool things while you just look longingly through your computer screen while wearing the same shirt for a second day in a row, a shirt that somehow picked up spaghetti sauce down the front of it like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Don't buy the hype. People are under the impression my life is one that is perfect, house made up, kids clean and having fun while magically behaving. The reality is that I have not showered in two days and I had to stop writing this essay to clean up a giant loogie my two year old just sneezed across (I am not exaggerating...) her entire face.
The older I get the more warm and appealing my house gets. I don't go out to the bars- I mean really? Getting dressed up to spend time with people I either barely know or don't know at all? Getting hit on by the creeper in the corner or the lesbian (no offense to those that are- but your gaydar is pointed in the wrong direction when it hits me...) at another table on ladies night just isn't my cup of tea. I go to ladies night because it's the cheapest night to drink- not because I am seeking any sort of company. Heck- IF I go out to the bar- it's to talk to the people I am with. Not to lose my hearing gradually in degrees through the most awful music ever created by man- and certainly not to show off my dis-regulated body movements or severe incoordination on the dance floor. I get tired by 11 pm. I am asleep by midnight, if I have any choice in the matter.
My ability to deal with humans, never great at the best of times, has worn down to a thin sliver at this point. My bed, my dog and the internet are so much more appealing than any leaving the house event you could propose.
And you know what? I am ok with that. Leaving the house is overrated anyway. I get emails from friends- you know the kind. You really should get out more... nah I don't really think so. Although a brief trip to Tahiti in the winter months is appealing. Or a weekend in a hotel. No husband- no kids- just me. So I get these emails come out and party with us... and I just have to chuckle. Don't buy the hype. Nobody is as cool as their online persona would lead you to believe. You are comparing yourself and cataloging all the ways your own life falls short to something that is not even real.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to hunt down some febreze. The smell of child/dog related puke is lingering in the air and making my eyes water a little...
